No news is good news during this journey. As you already know, my surrogated needed a cervical cerclage because her cervix was mildly dilated. This was detected during a normal USG scan and not due to an emergency that landed my surrogate in the hospital. Dr. Shivani ordered a cervical cerclage which will stitch her cervix closed and ideally will allow her to carry to term. My research shows that this is a very successful procedure and I hope the same proves true here. As an update, the cerclage was done on Thursday May 2nd. When your surrogate is in the hospital, you receive daily emails (except Sunday). So far, I have not received any alarming news (i.e. your surrogate went into labor). The emails mainly state that my surrogate is on complete bed rest and is following the obstertrician's advice, that she is taking her meds, etc. I keep waiting for the email to say that my surrogate is fine but it doesn't say that. However, I think the lack of alarming news is good. Nothing saying that the cerclage was unsuccessful, no signs of contractions or other pre-term labor signs. Her cervix is closed and things should be boring from here on out. Dr. Shivani says that she expects her to be in the hospital for a least two weeks which I'm sure is tough for her but we have to do what we have to do to avoid a too early delivery. Everyday is a mildstone to me. Every 24 hours is 24 hours worth of development for the twins. I am thankful that SCI does monthly USG scans because it allows them the opportunity to catch issues in (hopefully) enough time. I will keep you all updated on this issues.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Emotional Roller Coaster
Staying true to form...we have another drop in this emotional roller coaster better known as My Journey to Indian Surrogacy...
Today, I received my monthly scan as expected; however, there was something different. Gourav Rathi (SCI Accounts) was attached to the email. "That's strange" I thought to myself. "The only time accounts is attached to the email is when my surrogate is in the hospital. She shouldn't be in the hospital...everything is going well...the pregnancy is pretty boring." These are the thoughts racing through my mind as a result of just seeing Gourav cc'd on the email.
I continue to read the email.
"We hope you are doing well." -Yes I'm fine...why is Gourav attached to this email? (I'm thinking as I race to the next line).
"We would like to inform you that as per our schedule we have done a USG scan for S." - Yes, I know that. Why is Gourav attached to this email??
Usually the next line says something like everything is fine and in normal limits. I don't see that line anywhere and I'm starting to get worried.
"Please find attached herewith reports of the same."
And then I look and see bold letters:
"We would like to inform you that our obstetrician and Dr. Shivani has reviewed the reports & noted that the "Cervical length - 28mm. internal os is patulous and cervical canal mildly dilated at time of scan." - My heart is beating and my honest thought is "what the fuck does that mean? This doesn't sound good at all. I know enough to know that she shouldn't be dilated at 23 weeks.
"With respect to the same, our medical team has admitted her in the hospital" - Shit!
"Kindly note that we will need to do a Cervical Cerclage procedure for her which will be done tomorrow" - Oh shit...what is going on.What is a Cervical Cerclage. Heart drops. Feeling sick. Want to cry. Sitting in court waiting for my case to be called. Something is very wrong. I promptly forward the email to my friend and client liason Kim which leads to a lengthy, comforting telephone conversation about what is going on.
The rest of the email just says that she's in the hospital undergoing necessary medical treatment, etc.
So...I'm sitting in court, trying to type things into google when my case is called. As soon as my case is done, I leave and go straight home and get online.
In a nutshell, I've learned that sometimes, the cervix will become slightly opened. When this happens, there is a risk of miscarriage because the cervix needs to remain closed during the pregnancy. With an open cervix, the mother can go into preterm labor which would not be good in this situation. When the cervix becomes open, the doctors will perform the cervical cerclage which is a procedure in which a stitch is used to close the cervix. It is done with a strong suture that remains for the rest of the pregnancy until around 37 weeks. I am thankful that my surrogate is only mildly dilated. Based off of my research, it seems that the key is to catch this issue in enough time to close the cervix. This procedure can be done as a preventative measure. This is for women who may have had a previous miscarriage due to this issue; therefore, knowing that the same issue can arise again. This procedure can also be done as a rescue measure, where the cervix is already open and the doctors are able to close it to give the fetus are few more weeks to bake in the oven. Both ways had approximately at 95% success rate which is good. I did see that many women had miscarriages where this procedure was not perform, likely because the issue wasn't detected on time.
I've been reading numerous messages boards. A vast majority of women said that their cerclage saved their pregnancy. At minimum, this procedure can be used to get the baby closer to a viable stage.
This new issue has shaken me to my core - it takes a lot to do that. Thanks to Kim, my sister, my dad, mom, and Dr. Google, I have calmed down some. SCI has amazing doctors and I know they will take great care of Santosh and my little ones. I am thankful that they noticed this issue while she was "mildly dilated" during a schedule scan. I would be even more worried if she went to the hospital due to an emergency/pre-term labor symptoms. I don't know how I would cope if I was to lose my little ones. I didn't know you could love someone you never met so much who is so far away but you can. If anyone has any information or insight, I would really appreciate your thoughts. I promise to keep everyone up-to-date during this portion of the roller coaster ride.
Fred
.jpeg)
Today, I received my monthly scan as expected; however, there was something different. Gourav Rathi (SCI Accounts) was attached to the email. "That's strange" I thought to myself. "The only time accounts is attached to the email is when my surrogate is in the hospital. She shouldn't be in the hospital...everything is going well...the pregnancy is pretty boring." These are the thoughts racing through my mind as a result of just seeing Gourav cc'd on the email.
I continue to read the email.
"We hope you are doing well." -Yes I'm fine...why is Gourav attached to this email? (I'm thinking as I race to the next line).
"We would like to inform you that as per our schedule we have done a USG scan for S." - Yes, I know that. Why is Gourav attached to this email??
Usually the next line says something like everything is fine and in normal limits. I don't see that line anywhere and I'm starting to get worried.
"Please find attached herewith reports of the same."
And then I look and see bold letters:
"We would like to inform you that our obstetrician and Dr. Shivani has reviewed the reports & noted that the "Cervical length - 28mm. internal os is patulous and cervical canal mildly dilated at time of scan." - My heart is beating and my honest thought is "what the fuck does that mean? This doesn't sound good at all. I know enough to know that she shouldn't be dilated at 23 weeks.
"With respect to the same, our medical team has admitted her in the hospital" - Shit!
"Kindly note that we will need to do a Cervical Cerclage procedure for her which will be done tomorrow" - Oh shit...what is going on.What is a Cervical Cerclage. Heart drops. Feeling sick. Want to cry. Sitting in court waiting for my case to be called. Something is very wrong. I promptly forward the email to my friend and client liason Kim which leads to a lengthy, comforting telephone conversation about what is going on.
The rest of the email just says that she's in the hospital undergoing necessary medical treatment, etc.
So...I'm sitting in court, trying to type things into google when my case is called. As soon as my case is done, I leave and go straight home and get online.
In a nutshell, I've learned that sometimes, the cervix will become slightly opened. When this happens, there is a risk of miscarriage because the cervix needs to remain closed during the pregnancy. With an open cervix, the mother can go into preterm labor which would not be good in this situation. When the cervix becomes open, the doctors will perform the cervical cerclage which is a procedure in which a stitch is used to close the cervix. It is done with a strong suture that remains for the rest of the pregnancy until around 37 weeks. I am thankful that my surrogate is only mildly dilated. Based off of my research, it seems that the key is to catch this issue in enough time to close the cervix. This procedure can be done as a preventative measure. This is for women who may have had a previous miscarriage due to this issue; therefore, knowing that the same issue can arise again. This procedure can also be done as a rescue measure, where the cervix is already open and the doctors are able to close it to give the fetus are few more weeks to bake in the oven. Both ways had approximately at 95% success rate which is good. I did see that many women had miscarriages where this procedure was not perform, likely because the issue wasn't detected on time.
I've been reading numerous messages boards. A vast majority of women said that their cerclage saved their pregnancy. At minimum, this procedure can be used to get the baby closer to a viable stage.
This new issue has shaken me to my core - it takes a lot to do that. Thanks to Kim, my sister, my dad, mom, and Dr. Google, I have calmed down some. SCI has amazing doctors and I know they will take great care of Santosh and my little ones. I am thankful that they noticed this issue while she was "mildly dilated" during a schedule scan. I would be even more worried if she went to the hospital due to an emergency/pre-term labor symptoms. I don't know how I would cope if I was to lose my little ones. I didn't know you could love someone you never met so much who is so far away but you can. If anyone has any information or insight, I would really appreciate your thoughts. I promise to keep everyone up-to-date during this portion of the roller coaster ride.
Fred
.jpeg)
Friday, April 26, 2013
Feeling Good...
Hello Blogland:
Thank You!!!
First, I want to stay thank you to everyone for their advice
in response to my last post. I received
many emails with some great tips! You
provided me with your insight, and essential tips, and it would be much more
difficult to make it through this process without you. In future posts, I will be blogging about the
many tips that have been told to me that will be helpful to all future intended
parents. I am really grateful for the
advice from those who did this before me; I cannot describe in words my
gratitude.
Telling The Job
This week I told my job about my being gay and pursuing
surrogacy in India. Although I was a
little nervous, I had an idea that they would take the news well. I am a criminal defense attorney with the
public defender’s office and I work with a bunch of other criminal defense attorneys.
By profession, we defend all types of
people who find their selves involve in all types of situations. It takes a particular type of personality to
do this type of work and that personality is generally accepting of all
people. This week proved to be no
different. I wish you could see my bosses’
excitement when I told them that I had twins on the way and that I was pursuing
Indian Surrogacy as a single parent.
They smiled, laughed, called me brave, and could not contain their
excitement. One of my bosses said “THAT…IS…FAN…TASTIC!!!!!” They asked questions about Indian Surrogacy
such as why India, if it was safe, etc.
Then, they proceeded to plan my office baby shower. I had to pick baby shower dates (my boss says
I better have an office baby shower…so I can get free shit LOL…her words…not
mine). Another coworker was so excited
and decided to spend most of the day coming into my office to guess baby names
(she will also be making me a baby blanket).
I could not have asked for a better response and I am blessed to work
with such a great group of people.
Raising Twins…
…HAS been on my mind since I found out that I would be
having them. I purchased a book
yesterday and it is pretty good so far.
The book is called “Juggling Twins…The Best Tips, Tricks, and Strategies
from Pregnancy to the Toddler Years.” The book is written by Meghan
Regan-Loomis. I am on chapter 11 of 37. This book gives great advice with a twist of
humor. If the remainder of the book is
anything like the first 11 chapters, I’d suggest any soon-to-be parents of
twins to get the book.
Baby Shower
So I have been thinking about my baby shower. The tentative date is June 22nd. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not
interested in the traditional baby shower (playing the games, opening gifts
while everyone watches and oooo’s and ahh’s over baby gifts). I want my baby shower to be a party. I am one of few people who can drink at their
own baby shower LOL. It will be on a Saturday
night with good food, drinks, DJ, and a ton of friends. I’ll be getting my portion of the invite list
and my gift registry (my sister will be helping me with the gift
registry). I should have a “BYOD” party
(Bring Your Own Diapers…that’s an idea listed in the Juggling Twins book…I thought
it was too funny). But yes, my baby
shower be a party to celebrate the soon (but not too soon) arrival of C&C.
The Plan
I have heeded to much advice and I am now planning to go to India around August 3rd/4th. I plan to stay until around August 23rd (if the little ones comply LOL). This will give time for my little ones to come, and gives me a few Tuesdays to get the DNA testing. I will likely stay at the Hilton Garden Inn which seems to be very accommodating to IPs. I will use Chromosomal Labs for my DNA testing. I will blog in a little more detail about this in a future post. For now, I am tired and need to wrap this post up lol. I hope everyone enjoyed this post and I hope you all have a great weekend. Congrats to all of the new IPs and new parents out there.
Until next time...
Fred
Friday, April 12, 2013
Halfway Mark - Need Advice!
Hi All.
First of all, I am at 20 weeks and at the halfway mark (yay!!!). Perhaps, over the halfway mark because twins are considered full term at 37 weeks and surromomma and the twins are still doing great (double yay!!!).
"Now tell me how you really feel":
Among many causes, one source of my stress is planning baby pickup. Every time I think about the logistics, I say to myself "ugh...I will sit down and plan it out later." I am now at 20 weeks and I cannot procrastinate any longer.
Yesterday, I sent an email to SCI asking exactly which week should I plan my arrival. What stresses me out the most is that C & C (my little ones) run this show; as with their daddy, they are going to do, what they are going to do, when they are ready to do it. I am on their time! LOL. I don't want to fly to India so early that I am spending weeks and weeks (and $$$) waiting on their arrival. However, I do not want to fly their so late that I miss it.
SCI informed me that the twins will be considered full term at 37 weeks (August 7th). My surrogate's due date is 40 weeks (August 28th). Although they can come at anytime, SCI suggested that I plan to arrive at around 38.5 weeks (halfway point between when they are full term and when surromomma is due). Arriving at 38.5 weeks seems to make the most sense for me. What are your thoughts?
Coordinating a flight seems to be the most difficult. Here is my situation (I may have mentioned some of this on a previous blog), and I would love any insight you can provide. You can comment on my blog here, or if you'd like, you can email me directly at flesteresq@gmail.com. I appreciate any tips/advice you have to offer.
I plan to fly to India sometime between August 14th - August 21st (if there are any IPs out there who will be there at the same time, I'd love to meet up). Ideally, I would like to fly from Newark, NJ, as United Airlines has a direct flight from Newark to New Delhi. It will take me approximately 3.5hrs to get to Newark but I'd rather deal with that instead of the layovers and the "where's the mother" questions in different countries. If the Newark flight becomes too expensive, then I will just fly from DC.
Anyway, here's my confusion (and it is taking me forever to just think about how I want to type out what my confusion is). I am not sure how to logistically arrange the flights. I want to get a round-trip flight. How many seats should I book? My godsister Tiffany will be meeting me in India to help me with bringing home the babies. Do I go ahead and book two round-trip tickets even though it will be only me flying to India. This way, when it is time to return home, I will already have an available seat for Tiffany. When I book my flight, the airline will want names of all passengers right? Although I won't have any going; I will certainly (God willing) have two coming back home and the airlines definitely don't allow you to have 2 infants with only 1 seat. If I do this, it seems like a waste of money because there won't be anyone flying in the 2nd seat on the flight to India. Also, Tiffany would then have to get a one-way ticket to New Delhi which seems to be as expensive as a round trip ticket. Will she have any issues with Immigration/customs there when presenting only a one-way ticket?
I guess my bottom line questions is, for those of you who had someone meet you in India for baby pickup, how did you coordinate the trip? Was it difficult holding the babies the entire way (14hr flight from New Delhi to Newark)? Did the flight provide any accommodations? I'm not sure how to go about doing this? I am going to also just contact the airline to see what they suggest but I would greatly appreciate your opinions.
Thank you
First of all, I am at 20 weeks and at the halfway mark (yay!!!). Perhaps, over the halfway mark because twins are considered full term at 37 weeks and surromomma and the twins are still doing great (double yay!!!).
"Now tell me how you really feel":
Among many causes, one source of my stress is planning baby pickup. Every time I think about the logistics, I say to myself "ugh...I will sit down and plan it out later." I am now at 20 weeks and I cannot procrastinate any longer.
Yesterday, I sent an email to SCI asking exactly which week should I plan my arrival. What stresses me out the most is that C & C (my little ones) run this show; as with their daddy, they are going to do, what they are going to do, when they are ready to do it. I am on their time! LOL. I don't want to fly to India so early that I am spending weeks and weeks (and $$$) waiting on their arrival. However, I do not want to fly their so late that I miss it.
SCI informed me that the twins will be considered full term at 37 weeks (August 7th). My surrogate's due date is 40 weeks (August 28th). Although they can come at anytime, SCI suggested that I plan to arrive at around 38.5 weeks (halfway point between when they are full term and when surromomma is due). Arriving at 38.5 weeks seems to make the most sense for me. What are your thoughts?
Coordinating a flight seems to be the most difficult. Here is my situation (I may have mentioned some of this on a previous blog), and I would love any insight you can provide. You can comment on my blog here, or if you'd like, you can email me directly at flesteresq@gmail.com. I appreciate any tips/advice you have to offer.
I plan to fly to India sometime between August 14th - August 21st (if there are any IPs out there who will be there at the same time, I'd love to meet up). Ideally, I would like to fly from Newark, NJ, as United Airlines has a direct flight from Newark to New Delhi. It will take me approximately 3.5hrs to get to Newark but I'd rather deal with that instead of the layovers and the "where's the mother" questions in different countries. If the Newark flight becomes too expensive, then I will just fly from DC.
Anyway, here's my confusion (and it is taking me forever to just think about how I want to type out what my confusion is). I am not sure how to logistically arrange the flights. I want to get a round-trip flight. How many seats should I book? My godsister Tiffany will be meeting me in India to help me with bringing home the babies. Do I go ahead and book two round-trip tickets even though it will be only me flying to India. This way, when it is time to return home, I will already have an available seat for Tiffany. When I book my flight, the airline will want names of all passengers right? Although I won't have any going; I will certainly (God willing) have two coming back home and the airlines definitely don't allow you to have 2 infants with only 1 seat. If I do this, it seems like a waste of money because there won't be anyone flying in the 2nd seat on the flight to India. Also, Tiffany would then have to get a one-way ticket to New Delhi which seems to be as expensive as a round trip ticket. Will she have any issues with Immigration/customs there when presenting only a one-way ticket?
I guess my bottom line questions is, for those of you who had someone meet you in India for baby pickup, how did you coordinate the trip? Was it difficult holding the babies the entire way (14hr flight from New Delhi to Newark)? Did the flight provide any accommodations? I'm not sure how to go about doing this? I am going to also just contact the airline to see what they suggest but I would greatly appreciate your opinions.
Thank you
Monday, April 1, 2013
I love surprises...
...and I received a wonderful surprise today; an updated scan! I received the following email from SCI today:
"Dear Frederick,
Greetings from SCI Healthcare..!!!
We hope you are doing well.
We would like to inform you that as per our schedule we have done a level II & 3D scan for S.
Please find attached herewith her scan reports.
We are pleased to let you know that she is doing perfectly fine and babies are growing well.
Dr. Shivani and obstetrician team have reviewed the reports and noted that everything is fine with her and her pregnancy.
We would also like to bring in your kind notice that Dr. Jolly has captured some of 3D images of babies.
Her next scan will be done within one month.
We will keep you updated with her further progress and new status.
With Regards,
Y
SCI Healthcare"
Needless to say, I am happy to hear that my surrogate is doing perfectly fine and the babies are growing well. I can't believe the detail of the 3D scan; you'd think I've never seen them before on other blogs. You can clearly see their eyes, nose, lips; its insane. As soon as I received the scan, I sent it to my entire family and friends. Everyone is so excited about their arrival; I feel like I am on cloud 9. This email update was the perfect start to the day and week. Here is the scan of my little ones:
I can't stop staring at this scan and smiling. I hope everyone is having a great day.
"Dear Frederick,
Greetings from SCI Healthcare..!!!
We hope you are doing well.
We would like to inform you that as per our schedule we have done a level II & 3D scan for S.
Please find attached herewith her scan reports.
We are pleased to let you know that she is doing perfectly fine and babies are growing well.
Dr. Shivani and obstetrician team have reviewed the reports and noted that everything is fine with her and her pregnancy.
We would also like to bring in your kind notice that Dr. Jolly has captured some of 3D images of babies.
We are sure that you will like the same.
You can see babies' eyes, nose, lips clearly.
We will keep you updated with her further progress and new status.
With Regards,
Y
SCI Healthcare"
Needless to say, I am happy to hear that my surrogate is doing perfectly fine and the babies are growing well. I can't believe the detail of the 3D scan; you'd think I've never seen them before on other blogs. You can clearly see their eyes, nose, lips; its insane. As soon as I received the scan, I sent it to my entire family and friends. Everyone is so excited about their arrival; I feel like I am on cloud 9. This email update was the perfect start to the day and week. Here is the scan of my little ones:
I can't stop staring at this scan and smiling. I hope everyone is having a great day.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Rambling
So, I'm around 18 to 19weeks preggers. What are the twins doing this week? Baby Center says that their sensory development is "exploding" and the brain is designating areas for smell, taste, hearing vision, and touch. It also says that some research suggests that they may even be able to hear surromommas voice. This is very exciting! It also says that their arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of the body. I can't wait to meet the little guys/girls. Of course, I want them to stay in for the entire pregnancy term; I will be patient and meet them when its time. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not an emotional person; however, I think I'm going to just melt when I see my little ones. I'm in love and I haven't even met them yet lol.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Growing Fast
Yay!!! I've received an updated scan today and the twins are looking good. I am so happy to hear that all measurements are within normal limit and everything is going well. My next scan will be a 3D scan; I can't wait to see that. Below is the scan that I received today. I hope everyone has a great day!
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